Living with Anxiety: The Interview

Hey Loves!

This post is super short and sweet!

So if you've been following me on social media and/or reading the blog, you know about living with anxiety post I did a couple of weeks ago. After posting I received a message from Keita Owens, a LPC ( Licensed Professional Counselor), to do an interview! I didn't think twice about doing the interview and was ecstatic that she reached out to me to talk with her. I know the old me would have been worried about judgement or people writing me off for openly speaking about anxiety, but my mission with starting this blog and brand was to reach people through being transparent, so hey! 💁 

I sat down with Keita and told her about why I am speaking out, my mental health journey, and my coping methods for anxiety. Check it out!! 

                                       

By the way, I will be adding more content to my YouTube channel in the very near future so don't forget to subscribe to my channel so you'll be in the loop!

As Always...

xoxo

-Angie

Living with Anxiety

Hey guys!

So this is day 5 of my mental wellness challenge and this is a pretty personal one.
Today we are discussing and addressing your biggest struggle with mental wellness. It doesn't always have to be something as big as depression or some type of disorder, it can be as simple as you not spending enough time to renew your mind; just anything that you struggle with that can potentially put your mental wellness at risk. This blog is all about coming into my own, self-acceptance, and helping my readers do the same through transparency of my personal experiences and battles. So with that being said...let's get into today's post!

Growing up, I never really liked playing with other children, sometimes I’d even wish to be at home, in my room, by myself, playing ALONE. I’ve always found a certain solace in sitting alone and having moments and even days to myself. At what point does that solace turn into silence about what’s really going on? Back then I didn't know what this was leading to or what is might have been but today I know and I've accepted it....that it is ANXIETY.

I never really knew what anxiety was or how it was affecting my life, my relationships, my friendships, etc.

Some of my anxiety is and some of it is based on experiences that I have had. Anxiety magnifies everything to the thousandth power and the difference in what I think I am experiencing and what I am actually experiencing differs exponentially. I remember a specific time one of my old friends was going to prom and I tried helping button the top clasp that really secures the dress and of course, the clasp came off. After I apologized, I remember getting super angry because in my mind, she made a big scene and all eyes were on me for the mistake that I made. It’s not that I didn’t want to take ownership of the mistake I made because I apologized, I just didn’t know how to deal with the embarrassment and imaginary judgement I was facing. The situation for me was a lot more magnified in my mind and years later on her wedding day, I dared not to even think about touching her dress, I couldn’t even fathom making a mistake that day. There’s a picture of us where it appears as though I am helping lace up the back of her dress, but the gag is, I barely had my hand on her dress and I immediately backed away after the photo was snapped. The smile plastered on my face in the photo is a grave misrepresentation of how I was actually feeling, which was me crumbling with every second it took for that picture to be taken. 😓


The time in 2009 my friends and I got into a near fatal car accident with a semi truck and I've been scarred ever since. People tend to think that I’m being unreasonable, but that's not it at at all. I start thinking about all the things that did happen and all the things that could have happened. I have this fear of that happening again and I get anxious, moody, and I even lash out at other people for not driving the way I think they should or at least taking into consideration my fear. The accident was almost a decade ago and still, being on the road sends me into a tailspin . Everyone else seems to have moved on for the better, but not the passenger with anxiety. No, no, the passenger with anxiety replays the scenario in over and over in their mind and keeps reliving it.


As a “creative” or content creator, it gets difficult to be expected to always have new ideas rolling out and producing content on a regular basis, but let me tell y'all. it's easier said than done, especially in my case. My mind feels like a web browser with the maximum amount of tabs open at the same time with all of these different ideas...and trust me, they are super dope. All of the ideas I have in my head and one minute I am super motivated about them and the next I get super overwhelmed by all of them  and shut down. Those times...anxiety wins and I end up laying in bed until noon or watching old episodes of NCIS and Law and Order: SVU until 5:00pm. I’ve learned and allowed myself to be okay with taking a step away and unplugging from my work for the sake of my sanity.

Then let's not talk about socializing.... I am introvert naturally, though I have my social butterfly moments, but 85% of the time I am in my shell, cringing at the thought of crowds and small conversation with random people. Making a commitment to go on trips or networking events and cancelling because I am overthinking or overwhelmed with these hypothetical situations of everything that can go wrong when I am networking is not my personal definition of "black girl magic." Everyone talks about black girl magic and my anxiety just won’t allow me to feel and give that sometimes. So I'm either at these events looking "stuck up," or I'm not at them at all. To be real... I wouldn't say that I am stuck up, I just don’t know what to say. Also, people are constantly like, "you look mean,"well 1..I have no reason to be mean to a stranger and 2... I have RBF, or “Resting B**ch Face.” With RBF, I used to have no idea that I looked like that, but when I did, and I realized that it could "work in my favor," I adopted it as one of my defense mechanisms. I figure if I look mean enough that no one will approach me, so then I won’t have to deal with all of the ridiculous scenarios that I’ve come up with in my mind to play out. On the other side of the spectrum, when I decide to not attend events or parties, my thought process is: "How am I supposed to not shrink around all of these successful, beautiful, intelligent black women that are thriving?" or "I wonder if they'll be able to tell that I am super anxious right now because I don't want to come off like I don't know something or end up looking crazy."

This is my first time really opening up to people that aren't close to me about having anxiety because it can get frustrating when you're trying to talk to someone about it, but I am happy that I am. The first thing someone says when you say you have anxiety is, well "the bible says in Philippians," that’s all well and good and I know what the bible says; but at what point are we going to realize that mental health is a separate issue than worrying about something minuscule? It's not that I don't trust God with the situations that I am anxious about, that's not the issue at all. It's literally something that is affecting your brain. People say that they don't understand but sometimes I feel like people don't want to understand, especially since it's something that doesn't personally affect them. Also, discussing mental wellness and illness among minorities is still something that is LACKING. People are suffering in silence because we are too afraid to share something or reach out to people because you don't want people looking at you a certain way. The stigma needs to be deaded because it's ignorant to think that something doesn't affect one certain race of people.

Thankfully, my anxiety isn't as bad as other people's, but it's never easy, sometimes it’s a constant uphill battle. Being prescribed medicine is a route that I haven't had to take so I am able to apply a more holistic approach and use essential oils for aromatherapy. The two oils that I use when I feel myself getting anxious are from doTERRA and they are Peace and Balance which I am OBSESSED with. I use them topically on the back of  neck, behind my ears, my wrist, and/or on the soles of my feet. The oils definitely help me feel a sense of peace and tranquility, in addition to journaling, practicing mindfulness to stay in the moment and not overthink, and putting on my Vibin' playlist!

Whatever your battle with mental wellness may be, it is definitely something that you should evaluate and try to address. No matter what you think people may think or say, how they may treat you...you are taking control of your life and your health. It's definitely easier said than done to say you should speak out because you may be able to help others too, but definitely help yourself first..you can't pour from an empty cup. Think about your own health, your overall wellness, and realize that it doesn’t matter how others see you in terms of having a mental illness...this is about you!

I hope you all enjoyed this post and were able to get inspiration or courage from it. Until next time!

-xoxo

Angie

Mental Wellness Challenge: Day 2

Hello all!

So today is day 2 of the #13914MWC and this one is also a "fun" one depending on how you're feeling or where you are in life's journey, as I am encouraging you all to make a list of 10 things that make you happy!

I say that it depends on how you are feeling or where you are in your journey of life because sometimes it's so easy to let things get us in a funk and not count our blessings or you could be going through something where you don't know what makes you happy. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to get transparent and keep it all the way real with you all...

Life comes at you fast chile. I had this thing about calling people "weak-willed" and never understood how people let themselves get into a situation where their life's plans were contingent on the person's they were with...until I became the person I talked about. In my last relationship, I started out super ambitious, I had a plan of where I was going and what I wanted to do. We were together for awhile and eventually I let their plans for our life and their career goals take more importance over my own. After all, his plans were more "practical" and made the most sense, provided better for the life we lived and planned to live. Things happened along the way and I no longer recognized myself. I was caught up in that person and what I thought they wanted and needed me to be as well as living up to other people's expectations for us and timelines, until one day  had enough. I didn't know what made me happy, the lines were blurred as far as what I ACTUALLY enjoyed and things I enjoyed because we were together. I think when you don't know yourself getting into a relationship, that can be a gateway to a disaster, so it's super important to have an idea of who you are by allowing God to define you and not other people, so that you don't experience what I did.

Now that I've taken awhile to get to know myself, build myself back up, and began seeing myself the way God sees me...I am happy. I am content with where I am, where I am going, and the work that he is doing within me! I am by no means perfect and I still have character flaws that I am working through on a daily basis, but I am at peace with myself. A year and a half ago I think my list would have been SUPER sparse based off the head space that I was in. Now I am at a place where making this list was difficult because I had to narrow it down. Being in a space where you find joy in the little things is so beautiful, less exhausting, and definitely the space that I want to remain in! So with that being said...

In no particular order, here is my list of 10 things that make me happy:

1. Writing.
2. Music.
3. Spending time with my family and friends.
4. Alone time to reflect.
5. Champagne.
6. Great food.
7. Seeing and feeling the results from working out.
8. Seeing God's artwork through nature.
9. Giving back/ doing philanthropic work.
10. Educating people on various things.




So a quick break down of my 10:

1. I  L O V E writing!
I've loved writing since I was about 5 or 6. Fun fact: my first grade teacher Ms. Athey told my mom I was going to be an author, I believe it. Whether it's a book manuscript, television script, movie script, or blog post..you can find me stressed ( good stress...if that's a thing lol) trying to perfect it, but happy I'm doing something I love.

2. MUSIC ... Man music is something I honestly can not live without. 90% of the time when people ask what I'm doing my response is, "Sitting here doing blazae blazae and listening to music. I love every genre of music, I could listen to Anita Baker, Biggie, Kirk Franklin, and Luke Bryan all in one day.

3. Spending time with my family and friends is one of my favorite past times. They really bring me joy and laughter and there's nothing like being around people who know you and love you. I'm super family-oriented so my future husband has to be the same way.

4. Alone time to reflect is one of my favorite past times as well. Singleness definitely taught me to enjoy my own company, although I stayed in my own world in a relationship too...that's neither here nor there. But I have always loved spending time alone to reflect on life and just take in the moment.

5. Champagne is definitely an acquired taste and I only know one other person, my Line Sister, who loves it as much as I do. I love the sound of the cork popping and taking in a crisp sip of bubbly!

6. Great food makes me happyyyyy chile. I L O V E food. Like...love it! People are always like how do you stay so small and eat so much...I just want to thank God for genetics and the BAWDY he has blessed me with. lol.

7. Seeing and feeling the results from working out is on my happy list because I used to hate working out, until one day, I decided I was going to work out for myself and not because I felt forced to. So seeing the results from my hard work, my abs pushing through and my tush looking RIGHT...makes me smile.

8. Seeing God's artwork through nature is one of those things what I mean enjoying the little things. Blessings don't always have to be extravagant or materialistic. Have you ever just stepped out on a balcony and looked a sunset or looked up at the stars covering the sky all while listening to the waves of an ocean, JOY.

9. Giving back and doing philanthropic work definitely feels good to the soul and makes me happy. So many of us forget that we have basic necessities and then some, while families are homeless, hungry, don't have clean water, their health is declining, etc. One of the ways I love giving back is through my foundation, The Sorella Foundation. You can click the link if you'd like more information!

10. Educating people on various things is one of my favorite things to do. I love having insightful conversations with people and doing little things like sharing "On This Day" via instagram stories. That goes for music, sports, race relations...just anything I find interesting or something that I connect with that I think people should know!

Well I hope you all enjoyed this post, as I have really enjoyed being transparent with you all about a tough time and I pray that this post actually speaks to someone as they read it!
Until next time...

-xoxo

Angie

Mental Wellness Challenge: Day 1

So for those of you who follow me on social media (All platforms = @absolutelyad ) then you'd know that I started a mental wellness challenge!

I wanted to start something that will get the conversation about mental wellness and mental health awareness started, but also make it something enjoyable.

So for day 1 I began with something I think we all enjoy, which is music. I know for me, music is something that I can't live without and it definitely is something that I turn to no matter what emotion I am feeling. In regards to the challenge, I definitely have a go-to playlist which I call "Vibin'." This is a playlist that gives me all the good vibes that I need when I'm not having a good day or even when I am and it's one of those, "let me just chill" days. A few of the artists that are on my playlist are Anita Baker, Jhene Aiko, Daniel Caesar, and Xavier Omar.

If you don't have a playlist like this, I suggest and CHALLENGE you to make one. You don't have to use the particular artists that I named, add artists that make music that puts you at ease. Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, want to set the mood for a chill day, or you need to unwind for the day..cut this playlist on and VIBE.

Well guys...this post was short and simple, not too much to get into, but if you would like me to share my playlist or want to share yours with me, feel free! Thanks for reading and if you are joining me on the mental wellness challenge, use the hashtag #13914MWC, I appreciate the love!

-xoxo

Angie